


Near Misses

by Hazel_Athena



Category: The Magnificent Seven (2016)
Genre: Everyone Is Alive, Fluff, Getting Together, M/M, Modern AU, Oblivious boys being oblivious, Shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-19
Updated: 2018-12-19
Packaged: 2019-09-20 05:14:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17016414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hazel_Athena/pseuds/Hazel_Athena
Summary: It starts, like most things do, with a stupid bet.Or, well, if Faraday’s being honest (which has been known to happen, no matter what Emma, Red, and all those other assholes he calls friends like to say), it starts with Teddy Q’s latest failed foray into the wonderful world of dating.





	Near Misses

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AndreaLyn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AndreaLyn/gifts).



It starts, like most things do, with a stupid bet.

Or, well, if Faraday’s being honest (which has been known to happen, no matter what Emma, Red, and all those other assholes he calls friends like to say), it starts with Teddy Q’s latest failed foray into the wonderful world of dating.

_Several Weeks Earlier_

“I just don’t know what I’m doing wrong,” Teddy moans. He shifts as if he’s about to thump his head against the table top in frustration, pauses in a clear bid to assess its level of grime and stickiness, and buries his face in his hands instead. “Am I hideous or something?”

“Yes,” Faraday says helpfully, and then winces as Vasquez elbows him in the side, Red glares at him, and Emma kicks him under the table. Only Matthew, sitting directly across from him does nothing. He’s therefore Faraday’s favourite tonight, supplanting Vasquez who usually holds that position.

“Don’t get mad at him,” Teddy sighs, peeking through his fingers pathetically. “All he’s doing is telling the truth. Like a good friend.”

A heavy silence descends upon the table, and then Vasquez stretches an arm out to snag the brightly coloured - and nearly empty - beverage in front of him. “You’ve had enough,” he says firmly, conveniently forgetting that he’s the one who’d bought Teddy’s latest alcoholic monstrosity. “You are cut off.”

Teddy makes a noise like he’s considering protesting, but before he can get anywhere, Emma starts patting him on the back consolingly. “There’s nothing wrong with you,” she says kindly. “You just ... um.”

“You pick assholes,” Red grunts, scowling down at his beer like Teddy’s poor taste has any impact on him. “You need to find someone who’s going to treat you right.”

“Easier said than done.” Dragging his face out of his hands, Teddy counters Red’s grunt with one of his own. “There’s only so much to choose from in this town, and I seem to have a knack for picking the worst guys.”

“So let somebody else pick for you.” This suggestion comes from Matthew, who immediately raises his hands protectively when Red shoots him a venomous glare. “Kidding, I’m kidding.”

“Better be,” Red says firmly, but thanks to the way he’s still eyeing Matthew like he wants to take a chunk out of his hide, he misses Teddy’s sudden intrigued look.

Faraday does not miss it. Even worse, he pokes Vasquez in the side to get his attention, and makes sure he doesn’t miss it either.

Vasquez chuckles, leaning in so that they’re pressed together closely. “You’re thinking bad thoughts, guero,” he says lowly, pitching his voice so that no one else at the table can hear them. “Leave it alone.”

“Can’t do that,” Faraday murmurs back. “This is a man clearly in need of help, and who better than me to provide? I am the world’s greatest lover, after all.”

“You say this all the time, yet I have never seen any evidence proving it to be true.”

Faraday turns just enough to look down his nose at him. “You saying you could do better, muchacho?”

“Sí, with my eyes closed.”

“Not a fuckin’ chance,” Faraday scoffs. “You can’t even find someone for yourself,” he carries on, deliberately ignoring the fact that he’s been going through a dry spell of his own almost as long as Vasquez has. “How’re you going to find someone for Teddy?”

“Wait, what?” Apparently having picked up on their conversation, Teddy turns at the sound of his name. “Who’s finding me someone?”

“I am,” Vasquez says quickly, and Faraday, not to be outdone, echoes this declaration.

“You can’t both find him someone,” Matthew points out reasonably. “He’s looking for a boyfriend, not a threesome.”

“Never underestimate a good threesome,” Faraday says loftily, “but that’s not what we’re getting at. Young Q here is looking for commitment, but not having any luck on his own. As such, we’ll take care of it.”

“Oh, you will, will you?” Emma asks. She looks some mixture of amused and concerned. Faraday supposes this is a step up from Red, however, who mainly just looks murderous. “This I’ve got to see.”

“Then you will,” Vasquez decides. He nods at Teddy. “Joshua and I will both set up dates for you. At different times. Eventually, I’m sure we’ll find someone who sticks.”

“And how will you choose these dates?” Emma asks. She’s getting into the idea, Faraday can tell, and the resigned look on Matthew’s face says he can as well. “Where’ll you find them?”

“Let us figure that out,” Vasquez tells her. “We’ll take care of it.”

Emma shrugs, before nodding at Teddy. “It’s up to you, but, when you think about it, what can it hurt?”

“At this point, not much.” Sighing heavily, Teddy nods at each of them in turn. “Okay, you two. Do your worst.”

“I think you’ll find we’ll in fact do our best,” Faraday declares. He casts a sideways glance at Vasquez. “What’re the stakes, big guy? Whoever manages to set him up with someone for real ought to get something out of it.”

Vasquez’s face smoothes out into a thoughtful expression. He’s quiet for a moment, idly tapping the fingers of one hand on the table while he thinks. “Loser owes the winner a favour,” he decides finally. “And has to accept, without question. Or complaint.”

Faraday considers this. On the one hand, he shudders to think what Vasquez might have him do if he loses, but on the other, he’s not going to lose, so it’s hardly that big a risk now, is it? Decision made, he nods.

“You’re on,” he says. “And may the best man win.”

*****

They flip a coin to see who gets to set Teddy up first. Or rather, Emma flips a coin because no one trusts Faraday not to cheat. Naturally, he protests his innocence at these blatantly false accusations, but it ends up being a moot point anyway. The coin lands tails up exactly like he predicts, and it’s on.

Faraday goes home almost immediately afterwards, needing some space to sit down and come up with a game plan. Most of his close social circle are people Teddy already knows, all of whom are unsuitable as potential matches, and the rest are acquaintances he’s met through his more unsavoury habits, which rules them out as well. Teddy’s too much of a goody two shoes to set him up with the likes of his gambling buddies for instance.

“What to do, what to do,” Faraday murmurs to himself as he throws his jacket down on the kitchen table. He’s too wired for bed yet, so he detours to the fridge to grab a beer, and then proceeds out into the living room, maneuvering around Jack’s sprawled form as he heads for the couch.

“Some guard dog you are,” he mutters when Jack barely lifts his head to acknowledge his presence. Sighing at the dog’s seeming indifference, he flops onto the far end of the couch, and stares up at the ceiling.

“If I can’t set him up with people I know, that’s gonna seriously limit my options,” he tells the slightly worn stucco. “How the hell do people meet folks other than through their friends?”

Through the magic of the internet, he realizes abruptly. He knows from listening to Teddy’s whining that the man doesn’t trust online dating, but plenty of people out there swear by it, and not just those who’re being paid to do it for tv. Maybe that’s the answer.

Intrigued, Faraday reaches for his battered laptop where it’s resting atop his equally battered coffee table. He’s never tried online dating himself, preferring instead to mainly pick up in the bars he frequents, but it can’t be that hard to set up a profile, and if he’s the one in charge of it then he’s still technically picking the guys Teddy goes out with.

Satisfied this won’t breach the terms of the bet, he thumbs the computer on, and waits approximately a year for it to go through the startup process. Once that’s successfully achieved, he logs onto the net, where he does a quick search for dating websites.

Not wanting to use one that’s sketchy or complete crap, he selects a site he’s at least heard of, and that he thinks has a decent reputation. Clicking on the ‘Create Profile’ icon, he scrolls through the instructions, which on the whole seem pretty straightforward.

He ends up being a bit vague on some of the details - Teddy’s birthday, for instance. Faraday can barely remember his own, let alone other people’s - but he fills in most of the info without too much trouble. Then he slaps up a profile pic, cropped from a shot taken at Emma and Matthew’s last New Year’s party before calling it a night.

Falling into bed not long after, he thinks to himself that he’s got this in the bag.

*****

Teddy is less than enthused when Faraday reveals his grand plan a few days later. In fact, he gets downright belligerent about it.

“You did what?” He exclaims, voice rising so much in pitch that more than one patron in the cafe turns to look at them. “Please tell me you’re joking.”

Faraday takes a long sip from his latte. “Nope,” he says after taking a couple seconds to smack his lips appreciatively. Asking Teddy to meet him here was a good idea. “I am one hundred percent telling the truth. I’ve also,” he adds with a pointed pause. “Made the first selection.”

“Wonderful,” Teddy groans. He really is an over dramatic person sometimes. Scrubbing tiredly at his eyes, he gives Faraday a dirty look followed by a sigh. “Alright, let me see what you did.”

“Uh uh,” Faraday says quickly. “You don’t get access to the profile because I know you’ll just ruin it. I’m driving this ship here. Take a look though.” He holds up his phone so Teddy can see his upcoming date. “Pretty hot, isn’t he?”

Teddy glances briefly at the photo. Then he blinks, and stares at it a lot harder. “He’s ... he looks like, well. Sure. He’s hot.”

Faraday nods before turning the phone back around. “His name is Tomas,” he says, scrolling through the dark eyed man’s profile. “He’s a nurse over at the children’s hospital, and apparently he does volunteer work for fun. Sounds like he’s right up your ally.”

In spite of himself, Teddy looks intrigued. “I guess one date couldn’t hurt,” he says almost grudgingly. “Have you messaged him yet? I’m assuming you’re not going to let me do it.”

“You assume correctly,” Faraday replies, pleased to see him catching on so fast. “And you’re meeting him for supper at that Mexican place over by the park tomorrow at seven.”

“Mexican?” Teddy echoes, and Faraday nods.

“Yeah,” he says. “He suggested it, but Vas swears by the food there, so it’s probably decent. And hey, if it turns into more than just dinner and dessert, you’re welcome.”

He feels the eye roll Teddy gives him is entirely unwarranted, but he supposes he shouldn’t expect anything better from a man who can barely string two consecutive dates together. Therefore, he’ll be magnanimous and let it pass.

*****

Figuring it’s only fair, Faraday texts Vasquez to let him know that’s he’s set up Teddy’s first date. He gets a series of indecipherable emojis in response, but doesn’t think anything of it until there’s a knock on his door at the exact moment Teddy’s due to be meeting Tomas.

Although he hadn’t invited him, Faraday’s not at all surprised when he looks through the spyhole and finds Vasquez standing there waiting for him. As if he can sense Faraday lurking, the man holds up a bag of Chinese takeout, waving it slightly for emphasis.

Sighing, Faraday drags back the chain, and opens the door. “I don’t recall inviting you,” he mutters, stepping to the side in order to avoid being trampled as Vasquez shoulders his way into his apartment.

“You didn’t,” the other man says cheerfully, kicking his shoes off and trailing towards the living room with the ease of someone who’s been there a hundred times before, which, admittedly, he is. “I invited myself, and I brought sustenance as a bribe.”

Faraday snorts, even as he follows him into the room. “You do realize I’m not nearly as obsessed with food as you are, right?” Vasquez’s appetite is legendary among their crew, whereas Faraday’s own is merely that of a normal adult male. “You should have brought booze.”

“I did,” Vasquez replies, and he holds up a previously unnoticed six pack as he makes himself comfortable on the couch. He then cracks open the bag, and begins unloading cartons onto the coffee table. “Come on, there’s enough for both of us.”

There is, in Faraday’s estimation, enough for any five people, but he knows better than to say as much. Shooing Jack away from where he’s come to investigate, he settles next to Vasquez on the couch. “Did you bring forks?”

Vasquez gives him a look like the answer is obvious, and then holds up a set of plastic wrapped cutlery. Faraday takes it easily, ripping the foil off with his teeth, so that he can start in on the meal. They eat in companionable silence for a while, moving only occasionally to steer Jack away from the food when he tries to shift in for a grab.

“How do you think it’s going?” Vasquez asks finally. He’s got his feet propped up on the coffee table, his long legs bent at an angle while he balances a carton on his stomach and somehow manages not to spill anything. “Do you figure Teddy will ruin it?”

“I mean,” Faraday says after a short pause. “It’s Teddy, so the odds are about fifty/fifty. If I were a betting man, I’d reckon this will not be the first time one of us has to set him up before something sticks.”

“Mmm,” Vasquez hums to himself around a mouthful of noodles, but eventually swallows. “I’m thinking we should alternate weeks,” he declares. “If this date doesn’t spawn another, then I’ll wait a week before setting one up. That way he won’t get overwhelmed.”

Faraday considers this, forced to admit that the idea does make sense. It’ll no doubt prolong the process, but Teddy’s likely to wimp out if they work him too hard. “Okay,” he agrees. “You’ve got a deal.”

Vasquez responds with one of his trademarked wicked grins, the likes of which Faraday will admit he enjoys being on the receiving end of. Then he digs back into his meal without another word.

*****

Faraday wakes the next morning to his alarm going off far too early. Annoyed, he reaches for his phone to hit snooze, and finds a previously unnoticed text from Teddy. Intrigued, he thumbs it open.

_Tomas is a nice enough guy, but not really my type, I don’t think. Sorry._

Biting back a sigh, Faraday reminds himself that he hadn’t expected it to be this easy. He shoots off a half-assed reply about trying again later, and then kicks back the covers so he can go break the news.

“Looks like you’re up, big guy,” he says as he wanders out of his room. “Teddy basically said thanks but no thanks to my first pick.”

He’s met by silence initially, but then the pile of blankets on his couch shifts, revealing Vasquez’s head at one end as he emerges from their tangle. His hair is sticking up all over the place, and he groans when Faraday crosses to the window to open the blinds.

“Is that really necessary?” He grunts, burrowing back into his blankets in an obvious attempt to shield his eyes from the sun. “I don’t need light to navigate your apartment.”

“Good for you,” Faraday replies. “It’s time to get up, though. Something I figure your back will thank you for. You’re too tall to be sleeping there, I keep telling you this.”

“So either get a bigger couch or let me sleep in your bed,” Vasquez grumbles.

“How about you actually go home for once, instead?” Faraday suggests. Truth be told he has no issue with Vasquez crashing at his place; he might even go so far as to admit he enjoys it, but that’s not going to stop him from razzing his friend. He’s got a reputation to uphold, after all.

Having said that, it’s clear from the way he rolls his eyes that Vasquez sees through him easily. Also making it obvious is the way he doesn’t bother arguing. He knows he’s welcome in Faraday’s home, just like Faraday knows the reverse is true.

“I want breakfast,” Vasquez declares now. “It’s the least I deserve for you waking me up.”

“I woke you up because I have to go to work,” Faraday shoots back. “We can’t all be professional photographers who make our own hours, you know. Some of us have schedules.”

Vasquez makes a hmmphing sound, but finally sees fit to haul himself up off the couch and follow Faraday into the kitchen. “What are we having?”

Faraday snorts. “If I make you waffles will you stop bitching about me getting you up this early?”

Vasquez cocks his head to the side, considering. Even with his hair sticking up all over the place and having slept in last night’s clothes, he really is unfairly attractive. If Faraday weren’t positive Vasquez had no interest in him, he’d probably be tempted to offer something more than breakfast. As it stands, however, he sternly reminds himself to be grateful for what he’s got, and waits for an answer.

“Waffles will do,” Vasquez says magnanimously. “You’re good at those.”

“Thanks,” Faraday says dryly, already pulling ingredients out of his cupboards. “Did you hear me when I said Teddy told me ‘no dice’ on last night’s date? Guess you’re gonna get at least one crack at setting him up.”

“I’m not really surprised,” Vasquez tells him. He eyes Faraday for a few moments as he begins preparing breakfast, and then crosses to one of the cupboards to haul out some dishes. Humming to himself, he starts setting the table while Faraday cooks. “We knew this was going to take some effort.”

“The best schemes always do,” Faraday declares, then he points at a different cabinet. “Put some coffee on, will you?”

Later, after they’ve had their fill and are going through the dregs of their meal, a thought occurs to him. “Do you already have someone picked out for Teddy’s next date?”

Not bothering to look away from where he’s scraping the last remaining bits of waffle onto his fork for a final mouthful, Vasquez nods. “I’ve got a friend of a friend I know through my work lined up. Eric. Nice guy, if a bit rough around the edges.”

“I’m not so sure rough around the edges is the best thing for Teddy,” Faraday says dubiously. He might have resorted to using a total stranger, but at least he’d had the decency to find one whose interests might have been similar to his intended match.

Vasquez, however, merely snorts. “Who doesn’t like someone with a little bite to them? Docile people are boring. I’m going to make Teddy think outside the box.”

Faraday considers this. He doubts it’ll prove to be the right approach under the circumstances, but in the long run that will only help him. If Vasquez chooses people who aren’t Teddy’s type, that means they’ll be less likely to stick.

Pleased with this conclusion, he wisely keeps his mouth shut.

*****

Since Vasquez had seen fit to invade his personal space when it was his turn to set Teddy up, Faraday figures it’s only fair that he return the favour. As such, he lets himself into Vasquez’s condo using the spare key that’s supposed to be for emergency purposes only.

Vasquez is in his office doing something with a camera lense, and he doesn’t even blink when Faraday pokes his head in. “There’s beer in the fridge, plus some leftovers to reheat. Please don’t burn my place down before I have a chance to get to them.”

Faraday sniffs. “I have only ever started one fire in this building, and it was technically your fault for distracting me at a critical moment. Let it go.”

“My unit smelled like over cooked pasta for a week, so no,” Vasquez shoots back. “Several of my neighbours complained.”

“And we started hanging out at my place more often than we do here,” Faraday retorts. “Problem solved.”

Vasquez rolls his eyes, but instead of continuing the argument, returns to his work. Faraday watches him for a moment as he hunches over a row of prints, clearly seeing something there that nobody else can if the way his brow furrows is any indication. Honestly, he paints a hell of a picture all on his own, lost in concentration the way he is.

Abruptly realizing he’s been standing in the doorway for longer than is appropriate, Faraday gives himself a little shake before shuffling towards the kitchen. The plate of leftovers are exactly where he’d been told, so he reaches in to grab them.

The microwave has just started beeping cheerfully to announce that it’s done when Vasquez wanders out of his office. “Smells good,” he admits, as if Faraday had actually put any effort into the meal. “Did you get plates?”

In answer, Faraday points at the countertop, then takes a sip of the beer he’d found hidden behind a couple juice cartons. “Everything else is ready. I was just waiting on the food.”

“And me, no doubt.” Smiling crookedly, Vasquez slides past Faraday, the close confines of his kitchen making it so that their bodies almost touch as he slips by. “What’s a meal without decent company?”

“You’re alright,” Faraday concedes, laughing when Vasquez shoots him an affronted glare. “Better than alright,” he amends. “Almost pretty good, I’d say.”

Vasquez pouts at him. “And here I went through all this trouble to make sure you’d have something to eat when you showed up. Maybe I should keep it all to myself.”

“You won’t,” Faraday says, quietly certain, and he feels his grin stretch when Vasquez begins laying out food on both the plates he’d brought down. “You’re so easy.”

“Sure,” Vasquez agrees. Then he grins too. “Unlike Teddy.”

Faraday salutes him with his beer bottle in acknowledgement of the point. “How badly do you think this one’s going?”

Vasquez makes a show of glancing at his watch. “They should just be meeting up now. At least give him a few minutes to totally screw things up.”

“I really don’t get how he’s so bad at this,” Faraday says when they sit down to eat. He glances studiously at his plate, like the answer might be in there somewhere. “He’s not _entirely_ hideous when you get down to it.”

Vasquez snorts into his drink. Gingerly setting the glass down, he swipes at his chin to do away with any remnants that might have splattered around. “Are you offering yourself up if my first choice fails?”

“Gross, no.” Faraday wrinkles his nose in distaste. “I’d be bored to tears, and he’d want to kill me three days in. What I’m saying is, I don’t get why he’s having such a hard time finding someone else to mesh with.”

“Too picky,” Vasquez surmises. “Or maybe,” he says, almost sounding like he’s speaking from experience, “he’s hung up on somebody else.”

“If that’s the case, he should tell us sooner rather than later,” Faraday declares. “We’re not going to get anywhere if he’s got a crush he can’t let go of.”

“Eh, well,” Vasquez picks up his fork again and waves it vaguely in Faraday’s direction. “I suppose it’ll give us an excuse to hang out then,” he says brightly. “Shall we continue this next week when Teddy inevitably fails?”

“Sure, why not,” Faraday decides. “We can have our own date night.”

Vasquez chokes on a mouthful of food, but recovers with impressive speed. “Okay, guero,” he says. Swiping at his mouth with the back of his hand, he sounds perfectly normal, but his expression is hard to read. “We’ll have exactly that.”

*****

It goes back and forth like that for the next few weeks. Teddy goes on a date with first Faraday’s pick, and then Vasquez’s, and each time nothing comes of it. Not once does he go on a second date with a single person.

“I’m starting to think the problem is him and not anybody else,” Faraday muses one night at their regular bar. The usual crew - minus Teddy, who’s cited his near constant slew of dates as grounds to stay in for a night - has congregated around the table, and things have naturally diverted to discussing their missing member. “Statistically speaking, he should have liked at least one of them by now.”

“Maybe they just don’t like him,” Vasquez grumps, and then he jumps when Red kicks him sharply under the table. “Maldita! That hurt, asshole!”

Red gives him a narrow eyed stare, and proceeds to take a long, slow sip of his drink. “Maybe next time watch your mouth then.”

Hunched over and rubbing his leg theatrically, Vasquez pouts up at Faraday, who pats him on the shoulder in response. “S’okay, Vas,” he says consolingly, “I know what you’re getting at.” Then he jumps when Red kicks him as well. “Damnit!”

“Alright, that’s enough,” Emma cuts in. She shoots Red a look that in no uncertain terms says he should behave, before focusing on Faraday and Vasquez. “Are you two sure you’re taking this seriously? You’re not setting him up on bad dates on purpose, are you?”

“What would be the point of that?” Faraday asks, while beside him Vasquez shakes his head. “Neither of us can win the bet if he doesn’t settle on someone.”

“And I can’t speak for Faraday,” Vasquez adds, “but I have no desire to set Teddy up on dates indefinitely. If nothing else, we’ll eventually run out of options in town.”

“Right, that too.” Nodding in agreement, Faraday shifts in his seat to try and find a more comfortable position. “We’ve been trying, you guys. Hell, we’re basically having strategy sessions over it at this point, but nothing’s working.”

Matthew lets out a low whistle, and shrugs when everyone else turns to look at him. “What? I’m just surprised is all. It sounds like things are getting to the point where even Faraday and Vasquez are running out of ridiculous ideas. That never happens.”

Not sure if he should feel pleased or insulted, Faraday decides to be a little of both. “It’s not our fault,” he says firmly, “or at least it’s not mine. I’ve set him up with a bunch of perfectly respectable individuals.”

“And so have I,” Vasquez declares, shooting Faraday a look that dares him to disagree. “Maybe the problem really is Teddy.”

Red makes a face that says he’s mere seconds away from murder, while reaching for the nearest set of unused cutlery. Across from him, Vasquez yelps and tries in vain to duck behind Faraday.

Willing in at least this one instance to allow himself to be used as a shield, Faraday picks up a menu to try and fend Red off. “Back, get back. He’s not saying anything we’re not all thinking, and you know it.”

“Okay, this isn’t getting us anywhere.” Holding up her hands in a calming gesture, Emma glares at them all until they settle back into their seats. “Good,” she says, once she’s certain they’re done. “Now then, I think it’s time to shake things up a little.”

“Meaning?” Red asks in a tone that’s icy even for him.

“I’m going to talk to Teddy one on one,” she replies. “It’s possible there’s something deeper going on here that the rest of us don’t know about. If that’s the case, maybe I can get it out of him on my own.”

“Or maybe you’ll make him feel worse,” Red points out snippily.

Emma shrugs and then moves to take another swig from her beer. “Yeah, well, I never said it was foolproof. I’m doing it though, and I’ll report back once it’s over. The rest of you just sit tight until I’m done.”

*****

There’s no word from Emma for the better part of week, but eventually Faraday gets a text from her asking if he’s available to meet her Sunday morning at a nearby cafe. Intrigued, he agrees, and they make plans to meet for a little after eleven.

As promised, he shows up at the appointed time, yet is surprised to say the least when he finds not only Emma waiting for him, but Teddy and Vasquez as well. Taking a seat next to the latter, he gives Emma a searching look. “What’s going on?”

“We’re staging an intervention,” Emma says, giving them an exasperated stare that Faraday feels is unwarranted. “Or rather, I’m staging an intervention. Teddy brought me the info to make my points, but he’s too much of a chickenshit to do anything else.”

Ignoring Teddy’s indignant squawk of protest, she reaches out and plucks his cellphone straight out of his hands. “Do you two somehow not realize you’ve been setting him up with each other?”

“What? That’s ridiculous,” Josh barks, and next to him Vasquez sputters out his own denial. “What the fuck does it even mean?”

“Exactly what it sounds like,” Emma replies. “Though you, Faraday, I admit are the more obvious of the two.” Thumbing on Teddy’s phone, she calls up his photo albums, and then sets the device down in front of Josh. “Look.”

Doing as he’s told, Josh glances at the screen and finds himself staring at a picture of Tomas, the first guy he’d set Teddy up with. Then Emma’s fingers flick and it’s Marcus, then Richard, etc etc.

“Okay?” He tries finally, not seeing her point. “So I set Q here up with a bunch of hot guys. Is that a crime?”

Beside him, Vasquez stiffens, and when Josh turns to look at him, he finds the other man watching him with shrewd eyes. “You think these men are attractive?”

“Well, obviously,” Faraday mutters, starting to feel a little picked on. He gazes back down at the photo Emma had stopped on - Andreas he thinks this one was called - and shrugs as the man’s dark eyes stare back up at him. “Don’t you?”

“I’m hoping he’s not that much of a narcissist,” Emma says dryly. Pulling the phone back, she takes a moment to glance at the photos herself, and then sighs. “You really don’t see it, do you?”

“See what?” Faraday asks, exasperated. “What the fuck am I supposed to be seeing?”

“They’re all Vasquez!” Teddy barks, apparently no longer able to contain himself. “Every last one of them,” he adds as Faraday gapes at him. “It was like going on dates with a sea of his slightly varying clones. At least physically, anyway. Thankfully none of them really acted like him.”

“Hey!” Faraday snaps, only belatedly realizing how that probably wasn’t the part he was supposed to protest. “What’s wrong with people who act like Vas? He’s great.”

“Awww, guero,” Vasquez drawls all saccharine sweet. Faraday punches him in the arm on principle. “Hmmph. Me I think it would be worse to send someone on dates with people who act like you.”

“Oh you do, do you?” Teddy says, whirling on Vasquez with a look of such incredulity that everyone at the table blinks. “Personally, I find that a little hard to believe seeing as how you did _exactly_ that.”

“I - what?” Looking mildly alarmed, Vasquez is forced to lean back as Teddy shakes a knowing finger in his face. “Would you please calm down? This is getting a little ridiculous.”

“No, you know what’s ridiculous?” Teddy demands. “Me going on dates with no less than three guys who love playing poker in their downtime and a professional magician, every last one of whom considered a pub to be the ideal place for a first date.”

“And just what is wrong with that?” Vasquez inquires. “You going on dates with people who only do the same old same old wasn’t getting you anywhere, so I figured you should try something new.”

“No, you figured I should try Faraday,” Teddy grumps. “Or at least some washed out versions of him. I doubt you’d ever set me up with the original.”

“Of course I wouldn’t,” Vasquez snaps. “You and Joshua would be terrible for each other. You’d bore him to tears.”

“Thanks,” Teddy says dryly, but rather than sound offended, he appears amused. Leaning back in his chair, he glances pointedly from one of them to the other. “You really don’t see it, do you?” Now he shakes his head, laughing faintly. “Each of you thinks the ideal date is the other.”

“That’s not true,” Faraday protests. Certain he can feel his face heating, he refuses to look at Vasquez, suddenly afraid of what he might see on his friend’s face. Or worse, what Vasquez might see on his. “You’re full of shit, Q.”

“I’m not,” Teddy disagrees, “but I am done talking about this. I did my part by clueing you guys in.”

“You mean I did your part,” Emma snorts from her spot next to him. “All you did was look at me and freak out over how you didn’t know how to tell them.”

“Yeah, well,” his face turning red, Teddy pulls absently at his shirt collar and straightens in his seat. “Regardless, I think our work here is done. What do you say we leave these two alone to sort themselves out?”

Emma’s answering grin isn’t so much wicked as it is full on demonic. “Why don’t we do just that?” She practically purrs. “I should be getting home anyway. Both Matthew and I are off today, and I promised I’d help him on some big furniture project.”

“Furniture building is a true test of a relationship,” she adds when all three of the men at the table blink at her. “I imagine you’ll all learn that someday. Some of you maybe sooner than later.”

She follows this line with an obnoxious wink in Faraday and Vasquez’s direction, then reaches over to grab Teddy by the back of his shirt. “Come on, you. We’re going to leave these two clowns to get themselves sorted.”

“There’s nothing to sort!” Faraday calls after them, but it’s too late. He watches as their retreating forms head for the exit, and then turns to Vasquez. “Is there?”

Vasquez shrugs, but the grin he offers up is weak, possessing nothing close to its usual wattage. “I mean,” he says awkwardly, fiddling with the napkin resting near to his plate, “I didn’t think so.”

 _Didn’t_ , Faraday thinks, feeling kind of like he’s having an out of body experience. That’s past tense, not present. “What’re you saying, Vas?”

Shrugging a second time, Vasquez lifts his head high enough to look Faraday in the eye. “Maybe this isn’t the spot for such a conversation. What about somewhere more private?”

Faraday doesn’t hesitate to respond. “My place is closer. That okay with you?”

Vasquez hums a quiet sound of agreement, which Faraday figures is the best he’s going to get. Digging into his pocket, he pulls out a few bills that should more than cover both their orders, and then heads for the door without looking back.

The walk back to his apartment is quiet, without the usual chatter and bickering that tends to fill the air whenever he and Vasquez are within five feet of each other. He keys his door open still without saying anything, and motions Vasquez in ahead of him.

Once inside, they simply stare at one another.

“I don’t - “ Faraday starts.

“What do we - ?” Vasquez tries at the exact same time. He pauses before letting out a sigh and gesturing at Faraday’s person. “You first. I’m still trying to wrap my head around this.”

“And you think I’m not?” Faraday demands. He sounds slightly hysterical to his own ears, but in this instance he feels like he can be forgiven. “Are you seriously into me?”

“Well - I mean. That is ... “ Vasquez pauses in the stuttering that’s so unlike him. Straightening up, he squares his shoulders and locks eyes with Faraday. “Yes.”

Faraday’s pretty sure his mind has gone blank with shock, either that or he’s having a stroke. Sternly telling himself to get it together, he meets Vasquez’s gaze. “You never said anything.”

“Neither did you.” Vasquez starts to shrug, but then freezes. “That is ... unless it’s just me?” He looks so nervous, like a hunted animal that’s just inadvertently walked right into the predator’s den, and Faraday rushes to reassure him.

“It’s not just you,” he says immediately. “Trust me, it is so not just you. The only reason I never said anything is because I never figured I had a shot. I thought you, y’know, wanted to be friends.”

Vasquez smirks, but the expression softens into a smile in a matter of seconds. “I do want to be friends,” he says seriously. “That’s the foundation for a good relationship, don’t you think?”

“Uh,” Faraday says succinctly. Truth be told, most of his relationships have started through sex and ended almost the exact same way. Then again, maybe that’s why they never worked out. “I guess?”

Vasquez laughs at him. It’s genuine, Faraday can tell, but also with a hint of nervousness behind it. “You - do you not want the whole thing?” He asks. “You said all those men who looked like me were attractive, so if that’s all - “

“Oh my god, shut up right now,” Faraday cuts in, waving his hands in agitation. There’s no way in hell he can let Vasquez continue that train of thought. “Vas - Ale, don’t get me wrong, I think you’re fuckin’ gorgeous, but I’d only ever set Teddy up with lookalikes. If I offered him up the real thing, the jealousy’d probably kill me.”

All traces of nervousness vanish from Vasquez’s face, which shifts into a pleased expression. “Then I suppose you’ll just have to keep me to yourself,” he says slyly.

There’s no doubt in Faraday’s mind that his answering smile is incredibly stupid, but he can’t find it in him to care all that much. Deciding now’s the time for action, he reaches out to reel Vasquez towards him by his belt loops.

“I figure I can live with that,” he says, right before their mouths meet.

*****

_Several Weeks Later_

At first Faraday thinks his alarm has woken him, and then he realizes it’s Saturday, which means some jackass is calling him at the crack of dawn on one of his two days off a week. Scowling, he seriously considers not answering, but changes his mind when he sees its Emma’s number on the screen.

Curiosity getting the better of him, he hits the accept button. “What?” He asks, still maybe a little harsher than necessary if the sudden stirring next to him is any indication. He pats the mound of blankets at his side apologetically.

“Red and Teddy went out on a date last night,” Emma says, dropping this bomb like she’s just uncovered a national secret. “Apparently it was their _third_ ,” she adds, sounding equal parts scandalized and delighted. “Did you know about this?”

“No,” Faraday replies truthfully. Put plainly, his and Vasquez’s attempts at setting Teddy up have fallen by the wayside while they’ve been in the process of getting themselves sorted out. Now it seems Red’s taken matters into his own hands. “Good for them?”

Emma makes a scoffing sound on the other end of the line. “Clearly you’re too busy with your own romance to see the potential for hilarity right now. Go back to mooning over Vasquez while I find someone to talk to who’ll appreciate this gossip.”

She hangs up without another word, and Faraday can’t be bothered to care. Putting his phone back on the end table, he rolls over to look at his companion.

Vasquez peers grumpily back at him through eyes that are barely half open. “Who was that?”

“Emma,” Faraday replies. “According to her, Red and Teddy are dating.”

“And this requires an announcement at ...” Vasquez squints in the direction of the clock. “7:17 am on a weekend? I would have happily waited a few more hours to hear the news.”

Faraday shrugs. “You know how she gets when relationships are involved. Or have you already repressed that conversation with her and Teddy in the cafe?”

The mattress shifts as Vasquez heaves out a sigh and shuffles over. Shoving at Faraday’s shoulder, he waits for him to roll onto his back, before proceeding to flop down on his chest with a quiet huff. “I remember,” he says, voice muffled.

Faraday grins up at the ceiling, still embarrassingly giddy about the fact that this is his life now. He brings a hand up to scratch carefully at Vasquez’s scalp, enjoying the way the dark strands of his hair glide around his fingers. “Reckon it worked out okay, yeah?”

Vasquez hums quietly and stretches up to steal a quick kiss before settling down again. “Hush, guero,” he murmurs tiredly. “It’s time for more sleeping. After which you are making me breakfast.”

Faraday feels his grin widen, and decides he likes the sound of that.

 

 


End file.
